he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
