I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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