I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
