y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
