I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
