dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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