So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
