We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
