Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
