I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
