Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
