Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
