also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
