what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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