my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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