i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We left the knife in your bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
