why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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