If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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