do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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