I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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