I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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