someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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