Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
