Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
