okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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