i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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