you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
