If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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