girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
