I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
bring money and cleavage
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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