So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
