I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
