I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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