I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
