After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
