just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
