i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
