Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
