small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
