Having a random hookup so left but love u
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
