I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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