I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
