It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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