well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
