I should be sponsored by Trojan
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
