Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
