Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
