saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
