there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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