i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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