ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
