Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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