i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
