When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize