Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
