I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
