i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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