dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just pee around me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
