Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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