I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
