i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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