The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
