Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
