Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
