the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
